Chuck Norris, the legendary Walker, martial artist, and all-around awesome dude, will be celebrating his 84th birthday on March 10, 2024 (or so the open sources say, although some believe he's actually immortal). In honor of this special occasion, we've gathered some of the most hilarious and, dare we say, believable "facts" about Chuck Norris. Interestingly enough, Chuck Norris himself has never confirmed these facts, but he hasn't denied them either.
The Great Wall of China was built to protect against Chuck Norris. Did not help.
It is known that Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. Genetics have nothing to do with it - he just ate a damn Indian.
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. But he is so cool that he never cries. At all.
Chuck Norris never sleeps. He waits.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
After Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice, he counted to minus infinity three times.
On the last page of the Guinness Book of Records, it is written in small print that all possible world records belong to Chuck Norris, and the book simply lists those people who managed to get as close as possible to them.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris's beard. There's another fist there.
Chuck Norris could send twice an infinite amount of money to charitable organizations, but he is afraid of breaking the entire world economy for 4,000 years in the future.
There is a recent case when Chuck Norris crossed the road in the wrong place and accidentally hit three buses, a trolleybus and five pedestrians.
Chuck Norris can pronounce “ъ” with his mouth closed.
One day Chuck Norris stared at the sun for several hours... the sun couldn't stand it and blinked.
Chuck Norris can divide by 0.
Chuck Norris is allowing the universe to expand for now.
Chuck Norris can enter a black hole and come back out if he wants.
Time waits for no one. Except for Chuck Norris, of course.
When Chuck Norris falls into water, he doesn't get wet - the water becomes Chuck Norris.
Scientists have found that the energy released during the Big Bang is approximately equal to 1 UCNNsR (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).
Chuck Norris always falls butter side up.
When Chuck Norris cuts an onion, the onion cries.
Chuck Norris can dodge the wind. But the wind will never dodge Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then she exploded.
If, as a result of a time paradox, Chuck Norris could fight himself, he would win. Dot.
Chuck Norris confirmed that we are alone in the Universe. Since Chuck Norris visited there.
The Moon has a lot of craters because Chuck Norris doesn't like it.
Chuck Norris can throw a roundhouse kick in two different places at the same time.
The eternal question: which came first – Chuck Norris or the roundhouse kick?
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world to beat a wall in tennis.
As a child, Chuck Norris shot down a Nazi fighter jet by pointing his finger at it and shouting “BANG!”
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, but a Chucktature.
Chuck Norris once ate a cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside.
Chuck Norris died 10 years ago. It’s just that the Death is afraid to tell him about it.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas are serving the biggest sandwiches. Just order a Big Chuck.
One day the devil dreamed that Chuck Norris went to Hell. He jumped up in a cold sweat and crossed himself.
Chuck Norris once drank five liters of sleeping pills, after which he blinked twice.
Chuck Norris can hammer liquid nails.
Chuck Norris took a long time to learn to walk, because every time he raised his leg, he got an involuntary roundhouse kick.
The only way to find out Chuck Norris's age is to saw him in half and count his growth rings.
Scientists say the dinosaurs were destroyed by a giant meteor. It's true if you call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
One day, while washing his face, Chuck Norris flooded Atlantis.
Only Chuck Norris himself can block a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris with a roundhouse kick from his other leg.
However, Chuck Norris did cry once in his life. On that fateful day, he kicked himself with a roundhouse kick.
Anyone who writes the first or last name of Chuck Noris with a small letter or with a mistake will be immediately killed... [FATAL_ERROR_CLIENT_DISCONNECTED]
Chuck Norris is so cool that even TVs that are turned off show him.
If a bear steps on a person's ear, he will lose his ear for music. If Chuck Norris steps on a person's ear, they will lose their hearing, vision, voice, smell, touch, and ability to think.
Many people like to wear a costume with Superman symbols. Superman loves wearing a Chuck Norris suit.
Chuck Norris can chase two birds and catch four.
Chuck Norris often donates blood to the Red Cross. Not yours, of course.
Chuck Norris is a terrible actor! If he's so cool, let him come and hit me with his head on the keyboard asdkbjsabdbsad2538653827!$5763 msadf78e6345!*..................................................
The only thing Chuck Norris can't do is soft-boil eggs. Because everything turns out too cool for him.
In the end, only Chuck Norris will remain.
There are no weapons of mass destruction. There is only Chuck Norris.
The Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is the preferred method of execution in at least 20 states.
Chuck Norris's house has no doors - only walls that he walks through.
Chuck Norris never reads books. He interrogates and tortures them until they give him all the necessary information.
Chuck Norris uses a night light not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only one who can send a roundhouse kick via email.
Chuck Norris never stops at a traffic light, the traffic lights are just afraid of him and instead of red, yellow or green they turn on the Chuck Norris Color.
The scariest horror film consists of one frame and is called "Chuck Norris".
Chuck Norris is the only one who can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris doesn't feel pain. Pain feels Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris shaves his beard with a razor. Chuck Norris sharpens an ax while shaving with it. Chuck Norris cuts his nails with a grinder. At the same time, the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris himself.
When Chuck Norris comes to donate blood, you can't pierce his skin with a syringe. That's why he always asks for a gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris grinds coffee beans with his teeth and boils coffee in his mouth solely with his anger.
Chuck Norris doesn't just walk on the earth - he rotates the planet in orbit.
Chuck Norris speaks the language of karate and roundhouse kicks. So it’s naive to think that he wants to kill someone with every blow. Maybe Chuck Norris, swinging, is simply telling a person that the weather is nice today.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron filings, industrial stain remover and wood alcohol.
Chuck Norris doesn't comb his hair. He just looks at the hair, and it unravels itself in fear. By the way, this is why Chuck Norris's headphones never get tangled.
Chuck Norris loves turtle soup. Therefore, it eats turtles along with their shells.
Chuck Norris eats nails with kerosene for breakfast, and a handful of diamonds for afternoon tea.
One of Chuck Norris's many hobbies is shooting down planes and UFOs flying over Area 51 with spit.
Bruce Khlebnikov can inflate and explode a heating pad. Chuck Norris can inflate and blow up Bruce Klebnikov.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked someone so hard that his foot exceeded the speed of light, traveled back in time, and tilted the newly built Leaning Tower of Pisa.
The fairy tale “Axe Porridge” is based on real events, and the prototype of the soldier was Chuck Norris. The difference is that at the end of his story, Chuck Norris ate the ax, but the soldier did not.
Steven Wright is the only person who made Chuck Norris laugh and lived after that.
Chuck Norris can really fall through the ground. And he also knows how to swim through the earth.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world who can break into his reflection in the mirror and win. He is also the only person in the world who can make faces at his reflection without it making a face back at him.
A typical living room has 1,200 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill an enemy, including the room itself.