Short stories about cats

Cat and training is easy... The cat only needs to spend two days with you.

In the theater, a cat sits on a man’s shoulder and stares at the stage. It is clear that what is happening there occupies him greatly.
- It is amazing! - exclaims the neighbor.
“Nothing surprising,” explains the cat’s owner, “he just read the book, and he was interested in what the playwright did with it.”

A female cat and a cat are playing hide and seek. Catgirl says:
“If you find me, then I’m yours. If you don’t find me, I’m in the closet!”

The children brought the cat to the female cat so that kittens could appear. A friend calls them on the phone:
- Well how are you?
- No way, they don’t even kiss.

There is a mother and a four-year-old son in the neurologist’s office.
- Boy, please tell me, how many legs does a cat have?
- Four.
- How many ears does a cat have?
- Two.
- How many eyes does a cat have?
- Two.
- Does the cat have a tail?
- Mom, this idiot has never seen a cat?!

One woman constantly bought food for cats. The seller, who knew perfectly well that she didn’t have any cat, asked who she was feeding.
- Husband.
- He will die if he eats cat food!
After some time, the lady stopped buying food.
- Well, did you poison your husband? After all, I warned you.
- What does food have to do with it! He broke his neck when he tried to lick his ass.

Neighbor asks neighbor:
- Why does your cat scream so much when you wash it?
- Aren’t your cat screaming?
- No.
- So how do you squeezing your cat out?

An elderly woman rings her neighbor's doorbell and says:
- My stomach hurts, could you lend me a heating pad?
- You know, I don’t have it, in this case I put my cat on his stomach, and it relieves all the pain as if by hand. If you want, I can lend it to you.
- Thank you.
The next day, the cat's owner goes to the old woman to pick up her pet. As soon as the door opened a little, the cat immediately ran out and disappeared into his apartment. Then an old woman appears, with scratches on her face and hands, and says:
- Look what your cat did to me!
- It’s strange: he’s never been aggressive before. What happened here?
- When I inserted a funnel into his ass, he was even more or less calm, but when I started pouring hot water into it, he simply went wild!

Returning from fishing, the husband asks his wife:
- Is the cat at home?
- Come in, don’t be afraid, I bought sprat for him at the store...

Announcement: “Fluffy little cat! Beautiful! Gentle and playful! Toilet trained! Better not call! I won’t give it up anyway!

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