Jokes about dogs

- I taught the dog to bark when it wants to eat.
- So how is it?
- Now she doesn’t eat until I bark...

Two people boast about their dogs:
- My dog comes to the door, rings the bell, and I let him in.
- My dog doesn’t call...
- What a stupid dog!
- No, she just has her own key...

- Hello! Is this World Animal Protection? Please send someone here. There is a postman sitting in a tree in our yard and insulting our dog.

At a party
- Your dog looks at me very angrily...
- Never mind. He always looks at someone who eats from his bowl like that.

One man says to another,
- You know, my dog reads and can write.
- I know, my dog told me.

- What a wonderful dog you have!
-Can I pet her?
- Of course you can, otherwise how will she bite you?

- Auntie, eat this candy.
- Thank you, darling.
- Tasty?
- Very tasty.
- It’s strange why the dog and cat spat it out.

Call to the circus director:
- Do you need a talking dog?
- Stop playing me! - hangs up.
Call again.
- Do you need a talking dog?
- Stop fooling me! - hangs up again.
The call again.
- Listen, director, don't hang up! Do you think it's easy to dial your phone number with my dog's paw?

The wife asks her husband:
- Where have you been?
- I was walking the dog.
- We don’t have a dog.
- I met her on the street.

- What a beautiful dog you have! She's probably smart?
- Exactly! Yesterday evening during a walk I said to her: “It seems we forgot something at home.” And what do you think she did?
- She probably ran home and brought this thing?
- No, she sat down, scratched behind her ear and began to think about what it could be.

Night, the wife wakes up her husband:
- Get up! Thieves are coming to us!
- What? What should I do?
- Well, at least wake up our dog!!!

One flea, looking at the sky, says to another:
- Is there another dog that has life?

“No, honesty still pays off,” one man says to his friend.
- How did you draw this conclusion?
“The other day I lured someone else’s dog and wanted to sell it, but no one would give even five pounds for it.” Then I returned the dog to the owner, and he gave me ten pounds!

The policeman stops the car and shouts to the man who is there:
- Why did you give the dog control of the car?
- Sorry, but this is not my dog, I am a passenger.

A man approaches his neighbor's gate and knocks. He knocks and knocks, but no one answers. It knocks harder.
A dog quietly approaches the gate and says:
- Man, don’t knock, there’s no one at home.
Here the man immediately faints. After he came to his senses, he looked at the dog and said:
- Why, dog, can’t you bark?
And the dog answers:
- I can, but I didn’t want to scare you.

Your dog bit me! I demand compensation!
- Fine! I’ll hold it now, and you bite it!

Gentleman speaking to his neighbor in the morning:
- Mr. Jones, your dog was barking outside my window all night!
- Don't worry, she'll sleep during the day.

There are two dogs - fat and thin.
Fat looking at skinny:
- You know, looking at you, you might think that there is hunger all over the world.
Skinny looking at fat:
- And one might think that you are the reason!

My-Funny.Com, 2024